My Thoughts

It has not been a good day today. Woke up and didnt felt good at all, even though I slept at 12am woke up at 7 but didnt felt tired at all. Went for service and still felt some heaviness.....then went sim lim after service and went to coffee bean to chill out and think.

This whole day, something is just missing in me....at night did something that I have never thought myself to be doing. Decided to go and watch movie alone, something I have never done in my whole life. Anyway, went to watch the movie "Imagine That". It was quite an interesting movie abt the daughter having an imaginary friend and how this imaginary fren helped her dad in his business.

While watching, my heart just felt painful of what happen today, and realised how true this statement is "What matters to you the most, hurts the most". It is just even more true today than ever before. Somehow just felt so sad and  tearing thru out the movie, not because of the movie and because of the things ard me that is happening. Suddenly, felt so alone, when I needed a listening ear there just isnt. One that I thought could be my listening ear just wasn't available at all. One that I care for and love so much just could be there to listen to the struggles and feelings that I am going thru. It is just so saddening. What am I to do now....is this the end?Why is all these happening to me? Was it my fault that it happen this way? Am I really so insensitive and not able to understand what is going thru?

I thought I have always been understanding and caring but it turns out that I am not at all...why did I have to do this and say all those things....I just have myself to blame for all these...this is the path I chose and wanted to be so I just have to bear with it and accept it.